Thursday, January 30, 2014

What do you want?

That's a question I don't really know how to answer when people ask me.
It's not that I don't know what I want, I just don't know how to tell them.

Mostly when I'm asked that question, I'll probably say "Nothing, I guess."
Or, "Money" or "To slim down" then I'll proceed to laugh.
Sure, I want those as well haha, just that it doesn't really define what I really want.

What I truly want is to be free.
Be free from caring what people think of me.
Be free from being judged.

I want to go away and just..Not care.
Not care about what people expect from me, not care about how people view me.
Currently, I feel as if I'm just a weirdo.

Whenever I have some crazy hair color, they'll give me the look and say, "Again??????".
Whenever I tell them what I'm studying, they'll be like, "Are you sure you can survive in the future with that? Will you have a stable job?"
Whenever I tell them that I have not have a boyfriend before, they'll be like "Woahhh, but you're 19! Go get one soon!"

I'm tired of all those. I know people mean well, but I wish they would at least try to view things from my point as well.

What is wrong with having crazy colored hair? Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with that? I like it cause it gives me confidence. I like to stand out as well, weird as it may be. Having coloured hair doesn't mean I'm bad. My hair color doesn't mean I'll go and take drugs or whatever shit, nor am I rebellious.

As for studying what I want, I'm living my dream.
What do you really mean by a stable job? A job that requires you being like a zombie the whole time? Doing something you don't like, being tied down with your schedule from 9am to 5pm? Going home tired and bored, and repeating everything again the next day?
As I mentioned, I like adventure. I could take risks, I'm not afraid of falling and getting up.
What I'm studying will lead me to what I want to do, travelling, meeting like minded people, experiencing new things.

As for the boyfriend stuff...It's quite ridiculous hahahaha.
Not gonna bother elaborating.

Yeah, you can tell me to not care about what people think of me, what people say about me.
It's hard to do that, when these people are my family and friends.
I'm already trying my best to ignore. But sometimes, it just gets to you.
You'll be thinking stuff like, "Are they liking me for who I am?" "Are they bothered by me?"
It gets tiring, between trying to fit in and being true to yourself.

Easiest way to be free for me is to travel I guess.
I know that if I'm travelling, people will just glance at me and think, "Here is another weird traveller."
It won't bother me at all, since I don't know these strangers.

And I want to travel because I love arts, I want to see the culture from all over the world. The art they creates there, the way everything is. I want to meet open and like minded people, travelling like me.
Experience different stuff, get involved with adventures, see mother nature in other countries.
You might call me naive, but there's no harm dreaming and trying.
We only live once, what's wrong with trying?
I'm not gonna live my life with regrets for the thing I didn't do.
I don't want to be cooped up in a boring life, faking to be someone I don't want to be, always afraid and worrying whether I fit in or not.

I guess to sum it up, it all comes down to "I want to be free."

But I can't give that answer to people when asked, can I?

No comments:

Post a Comment