Saturday, November 26, 2016

Just keep walking

Hello blog.

Suddenly, I have the mood to update again.
It's been an overwhelming past 2 months.

I didn't mention it on the blog, but since 01/012016, I got into a relationship.
The relationship ended on 10/10/2016.

The numbers were never planned. It just happened. It's so weird..

Lol fuck my emotions. I thought I am okay but just writing this is making me tear up again.
Anyway, not here to talk about my past relationship.
I just want to talk about how I'm moving on.

Now I'm thinking about it, many things seem really weird.

The very day I broke up, I went out with someone, let me just call him Fatty haha.
I thought we would go as a group, ended up it's only me and him wtf. And this Fatty, tried to get me to start a relationship with him.

I don't know who the fuck he think he is, but wtf we just fucking met. How crazy and desperate can someone get?

The next day, another guy tried to ask for my number.
Sounds normal, but I rarely get someone asking for my number hahahah.

And then one of my friend randomly told me he broke up with his gf a day before. Which makes it the same day I broke up with my ex.

To me, all these are weird...

Fast forward a few weeks, a new staff started working. Some similar aspects to my ex, and then I found out, they both have the same name. Another wtf moment for me.

I know, it's only me that feel this way. Other people are probably like, nah nothing special.

We became friends, and funny thing is I am not that make the first approach.
And now, I sometimes find myself questioning, and I getting interested in this new person? Or vice versa?

And sometimes I sense we are both similar. Suffering from loneliness perhaps, or sadness, whatever. And both desperate to find a companion, to take away the pain..
To escape from the loneliness.

I don't know what this will lead to, probably nothing but just friends, but I don't want to repeat the same mistake my ex did to me, the last time I want to do is do what my ex did to me.


But of course, that wasn't the only thing helping me move on I guess. I am moving on, but not fully.

When I just broke up, I was lucky to have made a good friend that let me stay with her all the time. To talk to me, distract me from everything, to remind me I have to stay strong for me.

Being in a foreign country far away from all my comforts, it is hard to go through something like this. Especially when I didn't have a close friend here. At the time I broke up, all I wanted to do is to go back home, where my family and friends is.

To escape from this island, where the memories of me with my ex is EVERYWHERE.
Everywhere I go, I will be reminded of the past. There is no escape..

I can only force myself to go out and meet people.

As a result, I got on Tinder, and met some guys there. Just meet up as friends, travelling around..

But even if I am distracted in the day, by night fall when I am alone in my room, I can do nothing but remember it all and face my memories.

Time does heal though. It may be slow, but it does heal.

Now I am much better.
I can finally accept being by myself again.


I have also picked up a part time job.

I'm a nanny now!

Meet little Ella!

Adorable little girl :)

It was quite easy taking care of her, although it can be really tiring.
She is full of imagination, and demands my full attention to play with her haha.

Keeping myself busy is good for me I guess.

As usual, a very messy post.

I wonder if the future me will understand. H

Haha maybe she will, as I could still understand the old post I wrote.

Okay signing off now.

I'll be fine with time :)