Vietnam

Hello bloggie, I've been in Vietnam for one week now. It's been an overwhelming experience so far.

So...Let me start from the very beginning, back to when it all begins.

It started on 6th September. I saw a post in a Facebook group, looking for solo pianist for a resort in Vietnam, and I'm like "well I have nothing to lose, let's give it a shot."

Fast forward a few days later, I got a reply telling me I've been chosen. I couldn't believe it to be honest, because I don't think highly of my own skills, and obviously my experience is not that much yet. But wow, I got it.

From there, began almost 2 months of email exchanges, contract signing, passport renewing etc etc.

The whole time I was so skeptical, I was afraid it wouldn't work out. I didn't tell anybody except my family and 2-3 close friends. I actually didn't let myself fully believe that I would be going, until I got the Visa letter sent to me and my airplane tickets, which is like less than a week before I fly lol.

So yeah, In that last week before I fly, I rusheddddd to finish my assignments, and I'm proud to say I managed to cross about 5 off my list. :) Also did some last minute shopping. 

The day before I fly I spent my time in college submitting assignments and finishing some pitch with a lecturer. Regretted that I did not organize my time properly to be honest, I wish I spent that day chilling at home sigh. Oh well, too late now. Also, I did my packing at the last minute. Everything was sooooo hectic. But thankfully everything is settled by that day.

My flight was at 12.30pm, so yeah got up at around 8am, and went for lunch with mom and Pei Shan. Met Crystal for the last time before I will go back. Thanks for the hug, note, and bracelet bij! You have no idea how much I appreciate that.

The night before I leave. My heart broke T_T Poor darling Miko. She knew. Baby doesn't give as much shit lol.

Dun dun dun. Airport! Almost two months ago I was there, thinking to myself how sad it was to be at the airport but not flying.

To be honest there were 2 main reasons, but I don't think anyone figured that out.

My main reason was because, if you're at the airport and not flying, it's because you're sending someone away. (Or picking someone up, but that doesn't apply to this sadness lol).

The other reason was the more common one that people see. You're not flying anywhere. Not that it's necessary a bad thing, but to some it is.

Anyway the checking in was a freaking nightmare. I had with me a suitcase, my keyboard, a tote bad that weights almost 8kg, my laptop bad, and a sling bag.

I checked in the suitcase and keyboard, but even then it was a NIGHTMARE.

The freaking keyboard is bigger than me, and it weights around 30kg wtf. And I had to check in twice. Once in KLIA, and another time in Ho Chi Minh.

Anyway I took Vietnam Airlines.

Man, I forgot how much I hate the sensation of flying. Lol ironic huh, I love to fly and travel but I hate it as well.

Lunch. The chicken was really nice! Orange juice tasted like alcohol, it was bitter lol. Veges were okay, bun is no longer soft by the time I ate it, fruit salad was okay, and I had no room in tummy left for whatever that piece of kuih is. Then I had tea, which I couldn't identify what kind of tea is was, but it tasted really fragrant and nice.

Airplane selfie lol. I feel so weird to be travelling alone, and it feels so surreal and lonely to be honest. 

The first flight, I got quite a good seat. Window seat near the entrance at the front of the plane. Guy seated next to me didn't talk to me lol, but he is nice in passing me stuff from the air stewardess and he's quite smiley.

The second flight was okay, but not that okay lol. I was already tired and dizzy from the flying, and I rushedddd to transit in Ho Chi Minh. Imagine me pushing a trolley of that huge keyboard and suitcase from one terminal to the other lol. People just make way when they see me approaching hahaha.

When I got to the next terminal I think I was the last to check in. I got the last seat, right opposite the toilet -_- And no one is sitting beside me.

Anyway thank god it was a short flight. I was hating the feeling of flying uggh.

So, reached Phu Quoc Island, and the hotel staff picked me up.

Bye bye airport!

On the way to hotel

When I got to the resort, I was shown to my room, and then I had to go out to the hotel to meet my managers.

My room is in the staff house, and the hotel is a 10 minutes walk away.

I either commute by foot, or I could take the hotel tuk tuk. But I find it troublesome to call, so I usually just walk, and if luck will have it, a tuk tuk will pass by and I'll just hop on lol.

Anyway, back to the first day, I met the managers, said hello, and I was shown around the place.

Taken while being shown aroumd

The hotel was still being renovated actually, and they were rushing to finish before the grand opening two days later. After I was shown around, I walked back to my room with a girl called Minh Ngan, and I asked her if I could go to the beach, where can I eat, etc etc.

Found out that she wasn't sure if I could use it or not, and that the restaurant I'm allowed to eat it wasn't opened yet. I had to have my meals in the staff canteen.

I wasn't that happy about it to be honest, I was tired, alone, I wasn't given any briefing yet, I don't know what I could do, I don't know how things work etc..And I was left all alone to eat in a staff canteen where the food will be foreign to me, and be alone without knowing anyone, and everyone is chatting in a language I do not understand at all? I felt so lonely that time. 

I chose not to eat, and instead went back into my room to unpack my stuff. And I'm not proud to say this, but...I burst into tears lolol. I was so overwhelmed by this new sense of loneliness that I've never felt before, most of them couldn't speak English, and conversation was quite limited with those that can. And then I couldn't find the air-cond remote control in my room and I had no idea who to look for lololol. Thinking back, I can't believe I was upset about that.

I guess I just didn't know what I was supposed to do or how things work here. 

I just felt terrified being alone.

Anyway I got pissed at myself for feeling that way, so I told myself to suck it up lolol. Went down to a sundry shop I saw, and bought some light snacks. 

Went back up, finished unpacking, ate something, messaged family and friends and felt even worse cause I was telling them I'm okay when I don't feel so lol. But oh, then the house manager knocked on my door to check if I'm okay, and I immediately felt better.

While unpacking my keyboard, I was so afraid that it got damaged during the flight. 

But thank god it's fine. Haha that was how I wrap it up. 

I went to bed shortly after unpacking lol.

And oh, here is some pictures of my room.

Yeah quite messy. That was taken while I was still unpacking.

Room is quite like what I expect, with more utilities provided. I wasn't expecting a tv (although it's not working yet lol) nor a water dispenser.

Guess it's quite alright, considering it's that staff house.

Day 2

Boyyy did I woke up with terrible aches all over. The bed was HARD, and the travelling around before had my muscles all sore. 

I walked to the hotel for a meeting at 9am. I found out more on what I can/can't do, how things operate, etc. Then I was introduced to the members of the Food & Beverage Department, and somehow got stuck for a while listening to the manager giving speeches about the F&B Department.

Then he told me to give a speech lol, and I'm like..."Er...Hi, nice to meet all of you, and I hope I can work well with all of you, even though I just play the piano.."

The whole office burst into laughter hahahhaa. I'm sorry I didn't mean to make a joke that might offend the manager, but I just felt so awkward omg. I mean, what am I supposed to say? :x

I also found out that I was expected to play during the hotel opening, the next day. Apparently my contract dates start at 29th October instead of 2nd November. A miscommunication between agent and the company. -_- They didn't tell me, but oh well since it's going to end earlier it's about the same. I mean, I'm already there anyway, and I didn't have to play for the first two days haha.

So yeah anyway..After the meeting I was told to test the piano, which I gladly did lol. 

It's a Kawai, and oh boy did it sound so dark. It's similar to my piano at home to be honest, except that it sounds darker. It's totally not suitable for hotel at all lol. They're supposed to get a Yamaha, but apparently some miscommunication happened. 

Oh well. If I played the higher octaves it sounds balanced enough, and woah it sounds good with sad songs. The tune just rings out beautifully, as in painfully beautiful lol. 

After testing the piano, I went back to the dorm, and I'm free for the day. I braved myself, and went to the dorm for lunch.

I took my food, and chose a seat opposite this girl that was eating alone. 

She smiled at me, and chatter to me in Vietnamese while I just stared helplessly lol. And she can't understand English at all. We then just smile sheepishly at each other and ate the meal in silence.

Wasn't that bad though, although I took some er, pickled beef I think which I find it hard to accept. I just stuff it down with lots of water and rice. The girl finished her meal before me, and while she left she grabbed a handful of fruits and gave it to me :'D

Among it were rambutans, and these;

The vietnamese call it "mini apple" but it taste like a type of pear to me lol. Didn't really like it.

So nice and sweet of her! Felt so thankful, as that simple gesture took away some of my homesickness lol. Then right at that time the HR manager saw me, and sat opposite me to have his meal. Phew someone to talk to! Although conversation was quite limited lol. But still, I'm glad that he's doing his best to make me feel comfortable, and he keep on asking me question, even though he was struggling slightly with the language.

It's not only him, it's most of the people here as well :D

They all tried to make me feel welcomed, and tried to keep a conversation going :)

I suck at keeping a conversation with people I don't know lol. I'll just get tongue tied.

So after that meal, I went back into the room and I think I slept. Can't remember much wth. I forgot what I did after lol. I think I went to the hotel to look for the General Manager.

Oh yeah, I did. On the walk to the hotel a guy riding an electric bicycle pass by me, and asked me something in Vietnamese. When he found out that I couldn't understand he just gestured for me to hop on when I said hotel. Yay free ride! The sun was scorching hot that time.

I didn't end up seeing the General Manager though. He was too busy. I hung around a bit, and went to the beach for a short while.

Then I went back to my room. Had dinner in the staff canteen, and I was all alone this time. Felt lonely again, and yeah got emotional again lol. 

Went back to my room and slept.

Day 3

The day to start playing! Woke up early as I have to be in the hotel by 8am, and start playing by 9am. 

Got there slightly earlier than 8am, and met the HR manager again lol. Had tea with him, and then it was briefing time.

Wasn't much of a brief. Just told that I was supposed to play at 9am, and stop when the GM have finished his speech. Around 8.30am I was told to test the piano again, and er somehow I don't know how, but the testing blended into my supposedly start time lol. 

I was feeling so blur, like hmmm are they starting yet or can I still mess around. So yeah, I was testing some new songs, randomly improvising, changing songs whenever I want, when all of a sudden I realized that the event have already started wtf. 

The piano is at the back of the lobby, by the lobby bar. Its like two different place to be honest, but it's close enough for the piano sound to drift nicely into the main lobby. 

So yeah, I can't really see what is happening -_-

Before I knew it the GM's secretary came and told me to stop because they're going to play some loud music. Okay cool with me.

After a while I was told to start again, and I had no idea when to stop lol. So I played for around 45 minutes and then I look for the manager and was told to wait there for him. Played for another 15 minutes and he still didn't show up. -_-

So fine I went to the office, and was told I could go back. But I have to go back and play at 1.30pm and 5.30pm wtf.

Was feeling kinda pissed that they didn't set up a proper schedule for me yet. Anyway since I was free to go I went back to the room, but lol I can't remember what I did. I think I slept hahaha.

Here's some pictures;

So, before 1.30pm, I went for lunch. Can't remember what I ate.

Then back to the hotel for piano time again. After that 1 set, I roamed around the beach, and after that sat in the lobby reading while waiting for the last set of the day. 

I was told to go enjoy the buffet that night, but my goodness it was so crowded and everyone was waiting for a seat, so I was like screw it I can have the buffet for the next 6 months lol I'll just go back and enjoy a cup noodle. :'D

Picture of the restaurant

Pictures taken while roaming around trying to wait for a seat:

I was alone at the beach in the dark lol. So peaceful, although I can't shake that blanket of loneliness off me. In a way I like it I guess, but damn it I was feeling too alone.

The cup noodle I had.

IT WAS SO GOOD. 

Best I've ever had omg. 

I'm kinda glad I had this instead of the buffet hahahhaahhaha.

Day 4

The fourth day! A start of a proper routine now. My playing time is at 3pm, 4pm, 7pm, and 8pm.

What I usually did was head out at around 1.30pm to 2pm to have my lunch (depending on mood lol).

The walk to the hotel

One of the restaurant I can eat it, but so far I've only ate here once. I don't have any pictures of the other restaurant

Random picture

So yeah, this was the day when I start to eat in the hotel :)

I remember that when I saw the buffet spread, I was like "shit this is when I will get fat. There goes any chance I have of slimming down"

Lol.

The food variety were crazy, and they were sooooooo good. 

I am proud to say though that I am controlling myself well. I did not binge eat or take everything I want hahaha. I limit myself to a certain choice every meal, cause erm after all, I have 6 months to enjoy it :x

So yeah..After eating I start my first two sets of the day, and once I'm done playing, I went out and roamed around at the beach again lol. Took some pictures.

Roamed around for an hour, then I head back to the hotel to have dinner. After I finish eating it's time to start playing again!

And yep, after playing I went back to the hotel room and there ends my day hahaha. This is what I do usually, at least so far for the 8 days I've been here lol.

Day 5

Same as day 4, except that I ate in the other restaurant (Garden Restaurant).

And oh, when I roamed at the beach that day, a lifeguard offered to take my picture for me when he saw me snapping around haha.

But it was so funny because the sun was already setting, and it's quite dark. So the pictures turned out to be silhouette shot, and he was quite confused, and he kept trying to take more pictures lolol. I told him it's okay, but er, language barrier there lel. 

In the end he just handed me my phone back looking all apologetic ._.

                                         

The picture that he took lol

Again here's some picture that I took;

Clear water, although it's not that calm and the color is not that nice.

Also, I caught a crab lel. Played with it for a while before I released it, and I might have accidentally killed it cause it got washed away by the waves. .___.

A random picture of my music spot :)

And oh, after I finished dinner, Mr V, the F&B manager, saw me, so he sat opposite me. He ordered some seafood for dinner, and told me to eat.

I'm like...uhh...okay..

*nervous sweat*

I don't usually try snails omg. I wasn't adventurous enough. Crab is still okay, but how do I eat without making a mess of myself lol. I have make up on, and I was wearing my performance gown hahhaa. Anyway I ended up eating just the snails.

Thank god they're delicious and didn't gross me out. 

Thankfully the time for me to play came before he can make me eat more hahaha. I gladly ciao-ed.

After playing, I asked for a tuk tuk to bring me back to the staff house. Feeling too lazy to walk :x

And that's the end of Day 5 lol.

Day 6

On this day I went swimming!

Woke up at 5.30am, just as the sun was rising and went out to the beach.

Clear calm water!

Lol squinting eye selfie

I swam for about an hour, then walked around for another hour trying to get dry before I went for breakfast.

Again met Mr V, but phew he didn't ask me to try anything this time haha. At least I have company yay. Then we met some CEO/COO (I am not sure who lol). Mr V introduced me as.....The pianolist. Lmao. The look on the CEO/COO face hahahhaa. He's like, "The what???" (He's ang moh, while Mr V is vietnamese). 

I controlled my laughter and told him, "The pianist."

Lol. Poor Mr V. I hope I didn't embarrass him or anything ._.

After breakfast, I went into the hotel room and sleep lol, and woke up again to start my set and continue the day as usual....

Day 7

Right. Another usual day, except that I discovered....

THEY HAVE MACARONS OMG.

Lovely, lovely, tiny cute little sugar bombs.

I only had 2, I wanted to take more but it's time to go play piano T_T

So yeah. 

And then now I've limited myself to only 1 macaron a day :/

Because at this rate of me eating all these food, I'm gonna balloon up quickly lmao. And I didn't exercise enough, 

Ugghhh really need to hit the gym and go to the beach more.

So yeah that's all for now. Pretty much the same kind of thing everyday. 

I did have a chance to go to the market and enjoy the staff night life, but will write about these 2 experience later.

I'm back? (Updates on life now and feelings)

Wow. I haven't wrote for more than 7 months.
And I'm actually wondering what got me here again now.

It's 1.30am, and it's the 16th of October, Friday.
(Noting this down cause blogger tends to mess up my time)

Anyway...My current hair color is black.
With grayish, ashy, and slightly green ends, as a results from the black dye fading off.
I'm noting this down since I realized I tend to measure time with my hair color lol.

So.....I guess it's been an overwhelming 7 months, and it'll still probably continue to be in the future.

I'm done with my college classes now, all that's left is 4 group assignments and 5 personal assignments. Sound like a lot, but most of the assignments is completed halfway, some with 30% of work left to be done.

Oh there is also internship, but I won't give a fuck to that one. I'm already working now, well sort of, but more on that later. Back to college...

I am not happy with how this SAE Institute turned out to be. Everything about it suck, except for a few awesome lecturers and friends. It's now Epitome College wtf. No more SAE, but Epitome. I am extremely glad that my cert is still coming from SAE though.

I do miss living in USJ though. The shabby little apartment, the mattress I slept in, the dirty kitchen with piles of dirty pans and dishes left by my housemates. It's weird, but I guess that place is sort of my running away place.

Being at home so much, I'm getting tired of my family. The way my mom would be complaining about so many things. Don't get me wrong, of course I love my mom, and yes I do understand her complaints. She's been through so much. But I'm just tired, of hearing the same thing over and over again. And not able to do anything about it.

In USJ, well, there's my housemate to distract me. I could talk about music, life, stupid college assignments. But we've all gone on our separate directions now. Even though we're still keeping in touch, it's obviously not the same as living together. It's nowhere close.

Anyway, after moving out, I got busy with work. I was playing the piano 4 days a week, sometimes even 5 to 6 days a week. Then I had a wedding gig too, and I had run around practicing and settling issues with my keyboard. Also busy running around settling stupid errands (dogs to groomer, dogs to the vet, sending keyboard to be fixed, sending phone to be fixed, some college stuff etc).

Being busy distract my mind from this weird uneasy feeling that I have. At least, for the day. At night I drown myself in emo music lol. I don't know why exactly am I feeling this way sigh.

Well anyway, I'm not working full time, but the pay is enough for me to manage my expenses and still give some to mom. Not enough for saving though. But now in October I'm only working 2 days, although I'm doing replacement at another hotel sometimes.

Reason I'm working only 2 days a week is....

I'll be flying off to Vietnam for work at the end of this month.

Well, if my visa go through that is. It's still in process. *fingers crossed*

Yes I am excited, but as usual there is this weird feeling that I can't explain, nor do I know what is it and why it's there. I'm also nervous and anxious sigh.

I figured that I need time to finish up my assignments and prepare myself hence only 2 working days a week, but yeah I could dream on. I somehow lost track of time and was stupid enough to not manage my time properly. Less than 2 weeks before I fly wtf. I predict it's going to be a hectic and anxious 2 weeks for me.

I will be working in a resort ( BY THE SEA!!), playing the piano for 6 days a week, 4 sets a day. I am quite scared to be honest, I mean, I will be alone in a new place, for 6 months. Yes it's quite a short time and I imagine it will fly past quickly, but it seems so long as well.

And sometimes, I wonder if I am good enough as well. But well since I'm chosen out of all the applicants, I probably am. I am looking forward to improving more while I'm there though. I see it as a great chance for me to improve myself.

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With all those things said, there is a darker part of me now. (sounds cheesy and stupid but I don't how else to put it)

I lost who I thought was my best friend. No, he didn't die. He just thrown me out of his life.
I feel so stupid for being so naive, for believing him, and for..caring. Right now, I don't know who I hate more, him or me. Him for being such an asshole, or me for being so trusting and stupid.

I have loved him, I trusted him and yet, he just ignored me.

(I'm laughing and crying at the same time, this sounds like stupid sob love story, I can't even believe I'm writing this or that things like this actually happen, but oh well it IS happening, just that it's not stupid romantic love but more like a friend's trust)

I haven't heard from him since 7 months ago.  I texted him, sms, fb, whatsapp, he's online but he doesn't even bother seeing my message. I tried calling once, but I can't reach his phone. What's even worse is, I couldn't bring myself to try calling again after that one time. I just don't dare to.

Sigh I'm stupid. For feeling what I am feeling now.

And for stupid enough to let myself feel all over again. No, not with him, but with someone else.
Someone eerily similar but different from him, but similar enough for me to be creeped out.

It's like deja wu. I don't want it to end in the same way, I'm afraid it'll end in the same way, but yet I can't stop myself from talking to him or thinking about him...

Arrrggghghh it is driving me crazy. I do not want to experience this again, yet I am walking towards that direction that could have a risk of it ending the same way. I couldn't put a stop to it.

I'll have no one to blame but myself.

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And now I'm questioning why do I feel that I'm different from most people. I can't seem to enjoy the things that most people do. I can't socialize with people. Well I can, but I don't feel close, I couldn't open up about how I feel, and it's pointless and meaning less to me. It's like, I'm inviting loneliness and solitude, and I love it. But at the same time, I hate it.

I was talking to a friend just now, and he just realized that I am still 19. I mean, he know my age, but he forgot that I am 19. Heck, even I myself forget that I am that young lol. He's like "wtf you're so young but you're not".

Happens a lot, and I know how they feel. I feel the same way. Like wtf I'm still so young.
I feel old for some reason. Sounds pretty stupid lol but meh, age is just a number to me.

I just wish this weird uneasy feeling in me, this loneliness would go away. And that things will turn out differently this time, in a good way. I don't want to go through the pain of losing someone again. It's scaringly numbing, I could not feel anymore at times..

It's 5 minutes to 2.30am now...I'd better go to bed, I have to work tomorrow as well.

Good bye world.
For now.
.

My hair journey with Manic Panic Shocking Blue

I'm pretty sure most of you have known I've had some pretty crazy hair colors for the past 2 years.
It started with just a small turqoise strand at the back and bottom of my head, and from there it escalated to other colors.

The latest color I dyed was Manic Panic Shocking Blue.
I dyed it about 2 months ago, and this is the outcome:

I've already had bleached hair, so I didn't bother bleaching my hair again.

I was blonde, I bleached my hair myself at home. I bleached my hair 4 times, using 30vol. developer.

But I didn't dye my hair blue it on top of this pure bleached hair though.

I actually went to a hair salon, and got this color done.

Black on top, purple at the bottom.

Haha pardon my make up, I took this photo after I came back from a photoshoot.

Anyway, this color faded to a hideous brownish ash blonde, and that's when I applied manic panic.

 

Freshly dyed:

It look a crazy blue under strong sunlight, and it look really dark, close to purple under dim yellow light. This color lasted quite a long time. I washed my hair every alternate day, and after 2 weeks, the color is still quite strong.

Outdoor sunlight and indoor sunlight.

It's beginning to turn purple, with some mild pink streaks which is really cool.

I totally love the color at this point.

After another 2 and a half weeks, it faded to this color that look sort of brownish purple, with streaks of pink and blue.

Then another week passed and it became this color...

Pictures taken 2 days apart, but the one on the right is taken with a DSLR, hence better quality.

Another week and it turned more pinkish.

Taken with a DSLR as well.

Lol this photo is taken on the same day, though the camera settings made the color look darker.

The next day, the color faded more after I swam in the sea.

And after another 2 weeks, which is now, most of the colors are gone. The blue streaks is faded to gray, purple/pink into brownish pink/purple.

Well, I guess that's it.

It was fun watching my hair fade to different shades of color. Will definately try more manic panic in the future :D