Monday, November 16, 2015


In another hour it'll be 17th November.
My birthday.

I'll turn 20 soon.

As I look at reflection, my past, and my present, I wondered....

Am I happy? What am I feeling about what I have achieved so far?

I am abroad alone, by the sea which I love so much, in a foreign country with a job that most will consider great. But somehow, there is something about this that bugs me. Yes true, I know I am blessed to have my current job.
But it's not enough to keep me happy. I am restless. I want to do more, to learn more.

This does not feel like a career to me, this feels like a vacation. I guess nothing much wrong with that as I'll only stay for 6 months. But I certainly did not expect myself to feel this way before I came. I thought I would be crazy happy everyday playing the piano, and being by the sea.

I found out the sea is not enough to keep me happy, and being so free right here, it's making me feel so restless.

Now don't get me wrong, of course I am not unhappy. I just know that such a relaxed life is not for me now..I need to do more things. But then who knows, maybe that is only what I feel currently.

All in all I guess I am happy. I am blessed. I have a job which I never thought would come true before, I am eating nice food everyday, and I have great views. I am travelling and seeing a part of the world I've never seen before, and I am earning well.

What more could I ask for right?


But also at this moment, I wish, and I keep on wishing, that a certain someone would talk to me.

Yes I was the one that tell you to leave me alone, and maybe it has really helped me in a sense. But oh god, barely a week, and I miss you. Sigh. Why am I feeling this way.

And I keep on wondering, will you wish me a happy birthday?
Although I know that birthdays mean nothing to you. And to be honest, it doesn't mean much to be either, but yet I still hope that I will be remembered.

Sigh much pathetic I am.


Okay Joee, stop moping around.

In maybe 30 minutes, I'll be going out with friends :)
Waiting for them to finish their work.

Guess this post ends here then.



Edit on 23rd November

Lol much pathetic I was. He did message me to wish me, but at the same time the whole conversation just turn into something that made me upset and angry..In the end it's always the same. I'm just an idiot, and he's an idiot as well. 

All back to square one. And thank you for sort of making me feel shitty on my birthday. So much for thinking you would care. So, you could whine but I couldn't? You just have to tell me to shut the fuck up straightaway? Asshole.


Also, didn't had the chance to go out at night since it was raining. Much sad.
Wasn't a memorable birthday, but oh well it's always been this way, as long as I can remember.

There were only 2 special birthday that I remember, Chi surprising me with a cake on my 16th, and college friends surprising me with a cake too on my 18th. 

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