Fed up.

I feel awful right now.
I wish you would stop blocking everything and face everything that come instead. Everytime I talked about future stuffs, you would reply "Finish your SPM" first la. Even just now. Fuck it I only have 1 subject left, and then it's FUCKING OVER.
When will you start listening??
When will you stop blocking away everything??!
I know everything is hard. Very hard. I know being a single mom is one of the hardest thing in life. But there are still ways.
I know you are fed up. I'm fed up too. But we can't give up.
I know you hate your job.
But you can get more students if take the effort to. That's what you have to do.
Fuck it, I hate studying, but I still have to study.

I'm sorry that I've slacked and my results are not good.
I wish I could get a scholarship too.
But NO, SPM is almost over. It's too late now.  I can only hope for the best for my results.

If only you would stop blocking everything and start planning instead since the start. We won't be in this stupid situation now.
I would be able to continue my studies. I can't even plan right now cause you refuse to listen.
I can't do what I really want to do.

Its breaking my heart that I am actually thinking and saying all of this. I'm sorry.

I wish I am selfish enough to let you know. But I can't. I can't bear to let you worry much more. But I can't help feeling this way. I'm so frustrated and disappointed at the same time.
It hurts so much. I can't say anything at all.
And I can't see my future right now.
I hate to say this, but it's all your fault.